Struggling with Love

I find myself again struggling with an area of disobedience to God. In His presence obedience was my passion, my heart wanted nothing more than to do His will. Pledging my absolute obedience to Him, I was sure this time will be different. Yet, here I am again. He is gracious, merciful, and loving. My mind starts reeling with ideas of how to do better, be better, even before I approach the throne to confess what He already knows. Perhaps, I think that if I have already produced an action plan, He will be impressed; not likely. I try to mask the repetitive nature of my offense by giving it different names, perhaps the circumstances call for a new case. No, the Spirit sweetly reminds me that we have been here before. My ideas for change fall flat before His infinite wisdom. What am I to do? I feel Him soothe my struggling heart, "It is not about your doing." "It is and always has been about your surrendering, give-up the fight and let Me win for you." His words sink deep into my soul, releasing me. I remember again this is the good news. Knowing God and following Him is not a matter of being strong enough, smart enough, or big enough. It is about surrender. The greater the surrender the more He can work. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Obedience is an automatic response to Love we do not struggle with obedience we struggle with love. Lord, take us deeper in Your Love. Help us never to run from you, but to continually grow in Love. Amen.

It started with a simple prayer: "Lord, free me of everything that separates me from You." God took that simple prayer and began to peel off layer of shame, fear, guilt, and sin in my life. Things I believed to be just part of the human experience, God showed for the deception that they were. It was like He was cleaning out my refrigerator. He would reach inside and pull out a smelly container carefully tucked in the corner on the top shelf. Open it and reveal it for the smelly mess that it was, then ask me to allow Him to throw it into the abyss. Often it was painful to see and smell the junk that I had allowed in my life. I would look away and pretend not to see it. Perhaps, throw some baking soda on it to mask the smell. He was persistent and thorough. Greed, unforgiveness, pride, envy, gluttony, nothing was sacred but Him. I began to get excited as I would see the nasty containers of fear, guilt, shame, habits, and addictions being paraded in front of me. Shocked at how much junk was filling the space between Him and me, and happy to know that I was being rid of them. Sometimes, He would ask me to throw out something I was not done with yet. Often unforgiveness was the rotting bowl I tried to cling to. He would give me glimpses into the freedom possible and again I would repeat the prayer: "Lord, free me of everything that separates me from You." Years later, He is still cleaning out the same fridge. I have done some grocery shopping and bought some rotten things since. He is faithful, continuing, though the work will not be completed this side of heaven. I will continue to pray: "Lord, free me from everything that separates me from you."

Heaven

I am a big fan of the ocean. I love to get up early and watch the sunrise over the Atlantic. One morning in particular the view was spectacular. The moon was just behind me still high in the sky, the sun was barely peeking over the horizon just above the breaking waves on the sand, and at my feet tiny diggers where creating mosaics on the sand hurriedly hiding after the waves left them. These three were almost more than I could take in during the short time. This scene would only last about fifteen minutes the time it takes for the sun to become bright in the sky after it peeks over the horizon. The diggers which I have never seen in such abundance I may never see again, the sun blindingly reflecting in streaks off the waves will never be quite like that again. The full moon above my head would not be in that spot quite that way. Nothing about this moment was guaranteed to come my way again. I strained to take in all of it. Cautioning my eyes not to look at any one of these for too long, though I did not want to look away from any of it. From the diggers to the sun in the sky, to the reflection on the waves, then quick back around to the moon still in the sky, do it all again and again, don't want to miss it for a moment. Any one of these could have captivated my attention for the entire time. I knew that any moment I could look back and the moon have faded from sight, look down and the diggers have stopped their mosaics, look up and see the sun fully freed from the cloudy horizon, or its reflection became a dot on the ocean. At any moment any of these can fade into forever and in a moment it will all be gone. But for now, for now, my mind is filled with emotions, my eyes with beauty, my heart with gratitude, all because the creator has given me this moment. I realized as I worked to focus my attention on all of these wonders that this is the fallen world. In this moment I could not imagine anything more lovely, or wonderful. But I know that Eden was more wonderful and more than that I know that Heaven is more wonderful. No matter how lovely the vista, how amazing the wave, or spectacular the crest, this world is not the best the artist has created. The Word of God says that this world groans for redemption, when Adam failed he took the earth with him. My mind turned to Heaven. I thought of those that have left this earth in all its glory, now not with a sad longing, but with a confidence that they truly are in a better place. So when we think of our Lives outside our mortal bodies or the lives of those who have gone before us, it might serve us well to remember this. The artist who created this world with such wonder and beauty that it remains too lovely even in its fallen state, has created another masterpiece that awaits us. I used to think when I saw a beautiful mountain peak, "How I wished this one could be here to see this." Now I know that what he is seeing is ten times better. I look at the peak and wonder what that same peak looks like in heaven, better by far! Even still I wish he were with me, but I will someday be with him.

Holy Spirit 4 of 4

When God Shows Up
Ever watch any of those old clips of Elvis walking into an auditorium? Maybe that is reaching a little far back in the history book, maybe Michael Jackson? The camera pans over to the screaming fans in time to see a hysterical gal faint. People are shouting and crying, totally going nuts because of the presence of this adored star. All the hand waving and screaming, the jumping and crying; it all seems a bit overwhelming. Well, overwhelming is exactly what has occurred, these people are completely overwhelmed by the presence of the one they adore. Just knowing that he is present was enough to cause a frenzy of excitement so much so that it had to be announced when he left the building. Not everyone screamed or cried, some quiet folks would never be found fainting, or screaming much; but they adored him all the same and were deeply moved. His presence affected everyone a little differently. The king simply stepped out on stage and there were responses ranging from disinterest all the way to hysterical fainting.
We have almost grown accustomed to this brand of response at concerts. If Hannah Montana were to step onto stage greeted only by the gentle chirping of crickets, that would make headlines. But, what about church? Some have come to see church as a place of solemn calm, and quiet, almost like a funeral parlor; where the honored dead lie and noise is a rude intrusion. We get together and we talk a lot about God, even sings songs about Him; often as though He is not there. He is there by His everywhereness, but also by promise; but we do not always notice. Though much great devotion that takes place in the solemnly quiet moments; what if God were to just show up, make His glory rain down upon us during our worship, overwhelm your senses with pure joy, and explode authentic love within our hearts? That would be an experience much like the most adored star of any stage; stepping out.
We serve a God who is active and real, He is so much more than any mere star. He longs to meet with us in tangible ways. When His presence washes over an individual, response is natural and as unique as the individuals within a group; and all of these are wonderful worship to Him. When you begin to cry out to God for His presence, don’t be surprised if He shows up.

Holy Spirit part 3 of 4

Giving Up
Mr. Wigglesnot had always wanted to be a super Christian who could rush in and save the day, kind of like superman only on a more normal level. He was frustrated that he could not even muster obedience, much less super status. Mr. Wigglesnot decided that he better get equipped if he was ever going to make a lasting difference. Frustrated by his lack of power to bring change and weary from the battle, Mr. Wigglesnot began to cry out to God for what was lacking. He decided that it did not matter how cool he looked, or how much time it took he was going to get equipped.
God always honors this type of request.
I can still remember the day that I gave up my efforts and cried out to God to give me the power to be His witness. After years of struggling to help people, I was weary and unsuccessful at even helping myself. I still struggled with the same sin I had repented for hundreds of times. My heart was desperate to change but until I was willing for God to change me His way, change would not come. It sounds silly, but I feel that I truly was trying to beat out the flames of hell with a dry hose. No sermon, book, or resolve was enough to change me. I was aching because the people around me continued to hurt, and I could do nothing to help.
I went to the alter and laid down my pride; admitting that I could not do it without God. I went to the alter and laid down my need to look cool serving God and allowed Him to give me whatever He said was needed. I accepted God, not who I thought He should be, just who He wanted to show me that He is. That day and that decision has changed everything. That is the baptism. That is the power to be witnesses. There is a lot of work to be done and we are to by busy about the work of the Kingdom. Everyone, not just those called ministers. If we are to continue to turn the world upside down, we must seek the baptism. We never had the power alone to do the work of God, but He offers His power instead. You were made to be a superman or superwoman. This is available now.

Holy Spirit 2of4

Unprepared Soldier
Mr. Wigglesnot gave up fire fighting not sure what went with the endeavor. He joins the US Army. He receives his designated examinations, shots, and haircut along with the others. Everything is proceeding normally. Walking down an assembly line of supply bins they are instructed to pick-up one item from each bin. He walks in the line; he picks a pair of boots, a compass, and a canteen watching the guys in front of him. He continues, picks up a shaving kit, uniform, small bible, and a toothbrush. Suddenly, he starts to get a little nervous as the guy in front of him picks a backpack from the large bin at the end. He wonders out loud, “Do I have to carry that thing? It looks clumsy.” “That guy looks weird just putting it on.” “I don’t remember anyone telling me that I would have to wear anything weird.” He is hesitating and a line is clustering behind him. He looks down at the items in front of him and makes a verbal inventory; “I got the haircut, uniform, shots, compass, canteen, boots, shaving kit, and toothbrush, what could I possibly be lacking?” None of these things made him look badly out of step with society, most of them he could hide neatly away in his pockets. Looking over at some of the guys wearing the backpack, he almost wanted to laugh. After watching them a bit longer, he did chuckle a little. Decidedly, he walks away from the bins with only the initial supplies. Through the training; then out on the field of battle.
Out on the field, he watches as the guys beside him pull supplies from their backpacks. They have matches to start a fire, a field manual, some meal rations. He thinks about his growling stomach and feels a bit bitter. Mr. Wiggelsnot cut his finger and searched his pockets fruitlessly for even a Bandaid, nothing. These guys pull out needed supplies for every situation; it seems that nothing catches them by surprise. Strained and weary, he returns home when his duty is complete, having made little difference in the battle. Mr. Wigglesnot looked prepared, but without the needed supplies, he met failure.
This story is a little wild, I know, no commander would allow a soldier to skip the needed supplies. Many believers do go into battle with only the bare essentials. Trying to do the will of God without the baptism of the Holy Spirit is much like going into battle without the necessary equipment. Some refuse the baptism in the Holy Spirit because that just looks weird. I was one of these. Everything about this church thing and Christianity could be neatly tucked into normal culture, but not that baptism in the Holy Spirit thing. I thought I wanted Christianity to sound more like warm fuzzy philosophy than a powerful living force. I discovered that warm fuzzy philosophy does nothing to heal the real hurts that surround us. People are hurting and dying all around us and only a powerful living force can change that. The baptism in the Holy Spirit is the yielding of our lives to the flow of this life-giving, healing power.
Some believe that this empowerment of the Holy Spirit is for others and not for them. Imagine that you are the commander of a vast army with unlimited supply resources. What benefit would there be in leaving a soldier without the needed supplies to succeed in battle? I cannot think of one. God has a purpose to fulfill in this Earth and He has chosen to use, you and I to accomplish it. He will grant to us everything that we need to get the job done. This promise if for you and your children and as many as will receive. How much more will the father give the spirit to those who ask? The power that we find in the Biblical book of Acts is for the work of the Kingdom, that work continues today.

Holy Spirit baptism 1 of 4

Amazing Tales of Mr. Wigglesnot
Dry Hoses
Mr. Wigglesnot wanted to make a difference and somehow help the people of his small community. He is very big on passion not so big on smarts. He asked the chief of the Fire Department if he could join the team. The chief was short on help so he agreed to let Mr. Wigglesnot have a go of it. Mr. Wigglesnot went to the library, selected books about fire fighting, even visited the mall and surveyed anyone who would stop and listen on the best fire fighting techniques. The fire chief outlined a training program and tried to teach Mr. Wigglesnot about the fire fighting techniques that work best. Mr. Wigglesnot was not very interested, he was sure he had a grasp of what needed to be done. Mr. Wigglesnot put on the fire fighter uniform and enjoyed calling himself a fire fighter. Sure he had not fought any fires yet, but he felt like he was being a big help already.
Finally, he got his first call. The chief had stepped out of the station and Mr. Wigglesnot was left to take the call alone. He jumps in the truck flips on the siren and speeds to the sight of the fire. His pulse was racing with excitement, thinking through what he was about to do. He was ready, as ready as anyone.
Mr. Wigglesnot pulled the fire truck up to a raging house fire. The sirens are blaring, lights blinking, the truck rushes to a stop. He leaps from the truck all jumping to the task. Within moments the ladders are raised, the hoses are unwound and the Mr. Wigglesnot is busy trying to extinquish the fire. You watch with amazement as the firefighter slaps at the flames with an empty hose. He is working with much fervor, but the flames continue and even increase. Some of the flames are even leaping onto the empty hose. Still, he slaps at the fire, unwilling to relent because of his strong devotion and passion. Unable to stand the insanity any longer, you approach the busy firefighter to address the oversight. “Sir, your hose is not connected.” He continues feverishly and shouts, “I can’t hear you, son, too busy, can’t stop, this fire is getting the best of us.” You begin waving your arms and pointing to the hydrant by the curb, “You need some water coming out the end of that hose, for this battle.” He is beating flames and the flames are beating back in his wearying task. None of his great firefighter training can help without water coming out of the hose. Yet, he will not stop. You shout all the louder now holding the other end of the hose showing the empty connection, “You will never advance without any water; you gotta connect to the source!” He simply shouts back, “It’ll have to wait, I cannot possibly stop now.” Sweat pouring down his face stinging his eyes, his arms and back noticibly weakening, and his hose tattered from the beating; finally, he collapses unto the rungs of his ladder. He cries out, “I can’t do this, its impossible.”
Mr. Wigglesnot is a funny character, and fire fighters never go out this unprepared, but Christians often do. There are a lot of hurting people out there. We run into them everyday. You see them at school, on the playground, and even on your street. You can easily see their pain, passion rising up in these moments, isn’t there something that can be done. During my young years this is exactly what my efforts to help looked like. I was big on passion and though I knew the Lord, I did not know how to effectively minister.
I thought all I needed was the story. I was practically born knowing the story, but the story had not affected my life. I had prayed to receive Christ and looked forward to living forever with him, but all that was for later. I had a gospel story followed by a lot of hard work and failure. I was striving to change the world, but powerless. I am comforted to know that Peter had a similar experience.
Peter had already been through the training and heard the teaching on the night when Christ was crucified. All that great teaching and training faded in a moment of fear as Peter denied Jesus three times. He thought he had the goods, he told Jesus that he would die for him, yet, he feared for his life and denied that he even knew Jesus. Why? The answer seems simple, he lacked power. Following Jesus command, he waits with the others for the promise. What were they waiting for? Power, the power to be witnesses. Then wow, mighty wind, flames of fire, and Peter becomes a different man. This scared little kitten, becomes a bold lion for the kingdom. How does someone turn from denying Christ to save his own skin to boldly proclaiming his name before those who crucified Christ. One event, this event is what we call the baptism in the Holy Spirit. The spirit fell upon them in the upper room and everything changed.
Jesus told the disciples, “Go to Jerusalem and wait. Till you receive power. The disciples had the story and the three years of intensive training, walking with Jesus, but He said they needed something more. These guys knew what they needed to know, but that was not enough. These guys had to be very excited at the knowledge that Jesus was alive, I am sure they wanted to run out and share the good news, but Jesus said wait.
If you could just take that fire fighters hose and connect it to the hydrant for him, he would experience the success that he so fervently seeks. The same is true for you and me, if we charge out to do the work of this kingdom, beating down the flames of the enemy, advancing the kingdom, without the power of the Holy Spirit, we will meet frustration. God has granted His power to do His work; it seems silly to try to work without first connecting to the source.
I knew the gospel story and I was trying to beat the fires of hell back with a dry hose. Without the power of the Holy Spirit our witness is handicapped. We turn Christianity into little more than humanism repackaged, with a better ending.