Struggling with Love

I find myself again struggling with an area of disobedience to God. In His presence obedience was my passion, my heart wanted nothing more than to do His will. Pledging my absolute obedience to Him, I was sure this time will be different. Yet, here I am again. He is gracious, merciful, and loving. My mind starts reeling with ideas of how to do better, be better, even before I approach the throne to confess what He already knows. Perhaps, I think that if I have already produced an action plan, He will be impressed; not likely. I try to mask the repetitive nature of my offense by giving it different names, perhaps the circumstances call for a new case. No, the Spirit sweetly reminds me that we have been here before. My ideas for change fall flat before His infinite wisdom. What am I to do? I feel Him soothe my struggling heart, "It is not about your doing." "It is and always has been about your surrendering, give-up the fight and let Me win for you." His words sink deep into my soul, releasing me. I remember again this is the good news. Knowing God and following Him is not a matter of being strong enough, smart enough, or big enough. It is about surrender. The greater the surrender the more He can work. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Obedience is an automatic response to Love we do not struggle with obedience we struggle with love. Lord, take us deeper in Your Love. Help us never to run from you, but to continually grow in Love. Amen.